The Piggy Story

One night the Sweet Child of Mine woke up. I heard her footsteps in the corridor walking to the bathroom. She came to me, cuddled in, under my cover (she didn’t feel well). After a while she asked- mum why actually you don’t sleep at that time? I didn’t think much and answered her: “Because of rabbits” She sat down, looked at me – partly scared, partly amazed and surprised “Rabbit!? What rabbits?” If only you could see her face!! 😉 😉 “Mom are you ok!!??” yes of course I am ok I answered smiling and laughing. She then looked at me again, with a completely different expression on her face – the one of a little sweet fox and asked Are we getting a rabbit? (she wanted one about 1,5 ago and I said NO!) I punched her with my pillow “No sweetie, rabbit is just a metaphor – I can’t sleep because there is something on my mind recently and that occupies my a lot” With a very sad disappointment she said “ OH what a shame” “Young lady, we already have one dog that is getting old and sick, and three(!!!) guinea pigs that theoretically, but only theoretically are yours. We will be fine without rabbits, hamsters, other dogs, canaries, parrots or any other animals that come to your mind”. And you know what she said? – Alright, alright its always worth trying. You just said you were thinking about a rabbit”

It is crazy. There are people, you know, who may really love, absolutely love animals, not eat meat, cry when four leg creatures are hurt, donate money, BUT should never ever in life have one. And one of those people is my daughter 😊

With the guinea pigs is also a funny story. It was at the beginning of the pandemic when schools were closed, everything was like dead, kids couldn’t go out, couldn’t play, have fun, go to the cinema, do sports – NOTHING, a very negative Nirvana. My kid (and of course me – well I must admit me even more)  was going nuts, was sad, at the edge of being depressed – well I believe everyone, who went through pandemic and have a kid knows perfectly what I mean. And she dreamed about those Guinea pigs. So I bought two – because we read that they shouldn’t be alone, they get depressed from loneliness etc. So 2 and I said precisely “GIRLS PLEASE!!!!! And we got girls (we checked, however embarrassing might have been…..) They were not very little – they were thrown out from a household because the kid got bored (!!!! Cruel people!!!!) Anyway, we brought home 2 scared girls. After a week or so one started to behave in a strange way, daughter was terrified. I observed that little one and….exactly at that time I was reading a book by Charles Martin, When the Crickets Cry. Beautiful and deeply touching, emotional book. The little girl in that book had a Guinee pig, which had the same symptoms as ours had. The girl in the book thought it was badly il ( as we did). Of course it wasn’t ill – just pregnant. I thought to myself – no, this is not possible, this is not happening!!!! No, no, no. We went to the vet… 2 girls, yes that’s true but one was pregnant. Sh…t! Damn!!! What will I do!?? Why on earth this is happening!! Sweet child of mine was enormously exited. “But we will keep the babies, will we mom, please!!” How!! How should I have dozens of pigs at home???? Tears and sorrows – mine as well. Because how can I take a baby from a mother…but how can I take care of dozens of pigs!!!!! But, next time we were at the vet, he said “It is a very young animal, so it is most likely that there will be only one baby coming out” I made a decision – inf ONE and a GIRL we keep it.

The Sweet Child of Mine together with Grandpa (We lived in a different city in - I just got that job at school and had to 2 weeks to find a house, pack, find school for Lena and move. So at that time I was looking for a flat in the capital) assisted Ruby (the mom) during the labour………………………..

And here it is Lucky (because it is a girl, because she was the only one baby and she brought us luck – I found the house, we moved and we are happy) 

And that is the piggy story

The Music

Recently I have been talking to a friend of mine and we ended up talking about movies. We both agreed that we I absolutely adore the music of Ramin Djawadi in films. He asked me then which type of the films is mine….I have been thinking bout it and came to the conclusion -  I am not really sure.  Sometimes I watch a movie only because of the actors playing in it, sometimes it is because of the director who did it or costumes and very often because of the music. Music is, as you may guess, very important for me, it has accompanied me throughout my whole life.  And probably this is why I pay attention to it while watching a movie. Sometimes I have the feeling that music is better than the film itself, very often it is an additional character – and that is the perfect symbiosis, when music equals the characters or the plot.

I have that habit of mine – every movie, which has a beautiful appealing music, I try to imagine how it could be transformed into a stage production – of course as a dance performance.  ….silly I know. But I can’t help it, that’s how it is, period.

I close my eyes I see that music, I see pictures on stage, scene after scene, movement after movement….then come the lights, costumes. Sometimes I can’t fall asleep because of that. Crazy I know. Some of the ideas, very few, have seen the daylight and I managed to put them on stage as short choreographies, but many  - never.

I take music with me when I go jogging – the world doesn’t exist 😊 But I can not read while listening to the music. Well it’s not possible – you either listen to something (or someone) or read something ! Even quiet music in the background occupies me and I have no idea what I am reading.

Westworld Theme - just listen to that!!!! by Ramin Djawadi of course

A little on religion and school

I do like my job, I enjoy all of the things that I do. But sometimes …. Sometimes …. Just ugh  wrrrrrr

The school, THAT school is sometimes as crazy as a theatre – drama, tragic-comedy  with a lot of improvisation going on and “burning” surprises. Teaching, standing in front of a class is very likely as standing on the stage and acting…. Sometimes I feel like a pantomime actor when I explain English words to the German kids. There is a lot of jumping, twisting, turning and gesturing. Besides, I just cannot stand still or sit on my butt and be static. Its boring and it will not animate the kids. So I pretend to be Scarlett Johannsen, the Black Widow or Spider Woman or the Hiccup riding on Toothless  (you know - the black Fury Dragon) only to make them enjoy the class, to understand more. Teachers should be like actors, entertainers who can put a spell on the audience and make them  enjoy the magic of performance. Even if this is only the Geography of Europe. 😉 

I remember when I was at school and most of all my Sweet Child – before we moved to Germany – the school was a torture for me and for her even more. She was always different – with a single unmarried mother, who was capable to do more and earn more than some man, working in a theatre, not going to church every Sunday and having a “different looking” father. She was at a public, ordinary school, but the religion was taught there anyway. For those kids who wanted. And because 98% of the class wanted that – my daughter said she wanted to. So she took part in it. The class teacher, who should teach normal subjects, was a horrible bigot!!! Every Monday she asked my child –  I haven’t seen you in the church on Sunday, why? Her: Because we don’t go to church. Teacher: tell your mother it is a sin! A big unforgettable sin! And can you imagine that this woman had 3 children!!! I was amazed how was it possible, well you know what I mean. Oh, unless her children were brought by a stork.

I have never closed the door of faith to my daughter – she was baptised and I took her to the church – but she never liked it. Besides the priest/pastor got in bad, very bad books telling her that Mama is a sinner because she is not married. The class teacher, the bigot, kept on saying that she just cannot wait until she goes to heaven and meets Jesus/God. She told the kids they also should long for that. Hmm…  My child started to thing and said –“mom I don’t believe in that God: You are a very good mother, and if he thinks you are not, I will convince him that you are! Besides perhaps the God should concentrate more on killers, robbers and people that start  a war or let others be hungry than a mom like you.  I will go to heaven and will talk to him. And I tell him that our teacher and the priest shout at us. “I was mad, angry and didn’t like that at all.

One day she came to me saying: Mama I finally know what must I do to go to heaven as fast as possible to meet him and talk to him” Me: “What is it then sweetie?” She: “Well, I must kill myself so that I will die and then I go to heaven. Easy, you see. But I still must think of the way how do I get back from there after I had spoken to him”.

I got speechless, my heart started to beat like crazy I couldn’t breath!! F… F….f….that word was running through my head, what  kind of idiots manipulate children to such an extend!!!! My decision was immediate (after I started to breath again and stopped sweating) I forbade my child to take part in religion class and took her to another school. 4 moths later we moved to Germany.

So having all that in mind I am really trying to make the school a place where they want to come back, but it is most of a time a fight with windmills  - and I am not Don Quixote and there is definitely no Sancho Panza at my side to help.

December 1st

She is gone, she left. With her school on a trip.

The house is so empty and horribly quiet. There is no one singing, nobody laughs. It such a range feeling of emptiness.

I didn’t sleep tonight. Reasons for that were many, the main was of course excitement before her journey, I was scared to oversleep.

We left the house at  She was sitting alone- she is new in the class and decided only a week ago that she will face it and go with all those who know each other far longer. I hope she will be fine, I hope she will enjoy it, I hope she will be happy. Thank god she felt today much better, she had just a little pain in her abdominal.

God I love her so much. For those who don’t have children it is difficult to understand what kind of feeling it is, or how strong it is and to imagine how special that love is. It is unconditional. Besides men do feel it differently. And I DO NOT mean that in a wrong, negative way, here my fears and prejudices mean absolutely nothing.  But the men are deprived of the privilege to carry the child for 9 long months under the heart. The men can’t live one life with the baby and feel it every day and every night – to feel it moving, twisting, turning kicking and jumping – it is one of a kind, unique bound, an amazing experience. So a mother misses in a different way. Especially a mother who waited so long for a child, trying for years. The Sweet Child of Mine is a miracle.

Many years I have tried and lost hope . And then - a positive test! Endless happiness.

And now she is gone for a week on a school trip.

I hope she will have fun and the time of her life.

I just can’t stop thinking and missing her.

Is that a toxic mother symptom?????

Am I an egoist because I miss her and want her to come back, already after 6 hrs 17 min and few seconds?? I just wish the time goes by a little faster.

December 2nd

She called, she wants to go back home, that place sucks, food is shitty, rooms are small, showers are cold and there is the snow everywhere….You can do it! Just 6 more days and you will be back home!

After we hung up I had to occupy myself with something . I had to stop thinking about driving there to bring her back home.

 I went with my dog for a very long walk. The weather was nice, it was windy but the sun was shining.  After we got back I started to tidy up and preparing the xmas tree and all other decorations. Just getting it all ready, nothing else yet.

 Then I decided to move the piano and redecorate the room.

When I did that I had to do something with the empty space that appeared now in my living room – so I moved the furniture around and the sofa under the window. I have no idea why I didn’t do that earlier!?!? Sofa by the window looks much better and, what’s more important , now I can lay on it and read book without switching the lights on too soon.

Then I hoovered and did the washing, went with the dog.  The day came to an end – one day less to go.

Next day – work, I kept myself busy. No phone call. Damn I hope she is ok. Is she??? If she wasn’t, they would have called me, wouldn’t they? Would they? A!A!A!A!A!A!A!A!A!

Another day – see above….damn damn damn

Finally she called saying its ok, but the food still sucks, her roommate was ill but now felt better, then she switched the camera on and showed me how beautiful  the mountains there were – covered with snow. She did complain about giving the phones back to the teachers in the evening (but I think its good). She told me she loved me “but I must go now bye mum”. I felt like – what no no I have so many questions. “ I must go mom, sorry Love you”. Bipbipbip…..

But she is fine, she is ok, no broken legs, arms, ankles….and she loves me!!!!!

I am blessed 😊 😊 😊

To days later

The phone rings – Sweet Child of Mine!!

“Hey sweetie how are?”

“Well I´m fine. They have stolen my skies!”

What? Stolen – well but at least she is fine. What the hell is going on there?

“Again! For the second time already!! And I can’t ski. I sit on my but and do nothing! (one sentence with two completely, extremely different information)  “Wait hold on – who has stolen and why twice, what did the teacher say???” My thoughts were like: ok two sets of skies and sticks  - how much would that be that I must pay? Or maybe the insurance will cover that. “Mum the teacher did that so he is fine with that. But I am not” I got confused. “Mum, they say I am a natural talent and they will move me from the beginners to advance group. But I must wait. There are no skies yet!!!!” oh… I got speechless. Well that is a huge surprise considering that she didn’t wish to go there, because skiing is not for her, and she will definitely not enjoy laying all the time in the snow, after she had fallen down.  “Mum are you listening to me at all??! Anyway my friend says hi and how are you and I must go. Oh I love you. Bye”

Wooohaaaaa!!!!! 

Of men, mice and .....hare

I have been wondering if there is any superstition about mice?? Apart from the one saying that if the mice leave the ship the ship is about to sink, which in fact is not a superstition. Or are that rats that leave the ship? Or both? I need to ask my friend to make sure about the rodents and ships.

The superstition about black cats is very common.  If a black cat crosses your path, you are supposed to spit three times over your left shoulder, otherwise it will bring you bad luck. Some say – if the black cat crosses your path – it will bring you luck (no spitting over right or even left shoulder)

But what happens if first thing in the morning, on your way to work a mouse (a huge one) runs exactly in front of you crossing your path? Now when I think about it ….maybe it was a rat? That was a really big and rather unpleasant creature, it could be a rat. Yack… I am not superstitious, but – should I abandon the ship, that in my case is work, call in sick – to avoid bad luck and bad mood of my boss? What if his path crosses a big mouse – double bad luck? Oh  dear….. 😉 😉 😉     

Speaking of running creatures – last night me -the human creature, went for a walk with my sweet doggy creature. All good – him: elegant as every elderly gentledog should walk, head proud up, slowly, looking from above at cats and mice; me – following. Do you know “101 Dalmatians” from the year 1961? If so, then imagine Pongo with Roger and Perdita with Anita, we just had made a swap and there was Anita me and Pongo the elegant. Oh just the usual, boring walk until suddenly, just like that, out of the blue - guess what!?! A hare!!! Yes, a hare (not a rabbit), jumped out from a bush and bumped just at my Pongo. They both stood still, for 2 hundredths of a second, starring at each other and getting ready (Doggy Cooper and Hare Wyne 😉) And then the hare hoped ahead, my genteel Pongo jumped, tugged at the leash – which he never does, so strongly that the leash fell out of my hand and offff he ran after. The leash – on the ground, right behind him, the plastic handle bumping against the stones. I stood still, speechless, a little longer than I should’ve had, and then, of course started to ran after the dog, trying to grab the leash. It was for sure very peculiar sight for other people who were on their morning stroll. An adult woman running after two animals (and a leash) was the last thing they expected to see. I am sure you can imagine how funny I felt. However the funny feeling transpired immediately into an embarrassment, as the hare hooped into a bush, Mr. Pongo jumped right after it and… a crawled under that bloody bush! I hate spiders with their nests, earthworms, centipedes, ants – and believe there was plenty of those vermin!!!! Fortunately, there were also many branches and sticks in which the leash got tangled. I grabbed it, untangled, pulled Mr.  Dog – gave him the most ungrateful look I could afford and crawled from underneath the bush. Pitiful and pathetic was how I looked like, Mr. Dog didn’t look not much better either - the 1961 elegance disappeared with that hare.

With bush needles in my hair, spider nets all over my jacket, my skirt soiled with sand I tried to make as good impression as possible – with no effort as you can imagine. I just hoped that my daughter’s friends won’t see me like that. The hell with neighbors, other walkers and people – they are not that important, they can think what they wish (up to some extend n) but I CAN NOT discredit myself in front of other teenagers that know my daughter!! She wouldn’t speak to me for weeks or even (heaven forbid!) she would have had dismothered me!

So, I tried hard to make myself invincible and walked as elegant as I could, considering the circumstances, I sneaked back home.

F O X 

There is that fox in our neighborhood. Provided of course it is always the same one, not that we have a herd of foxes, but I believe not. Poor thing -  it is so skinny and bony like that skeleton in my biology classroom. His fur is grey, I would even dare to write silver grey, in some places – moulted; big and sad eyes; one of his ears sticks up and the other gently falls towards the nose; his tail, once certainly fluffy and red, is now thinning. Every time I see him, I have the feeling that he is freezing.

Last morning, it was still rather dark as the day was only about to wake, I saw him (lets call that fox a Him) on the other side of the street – He was lurking, slowly approaching the road and as soon as the lights of a car appeared - he went back into the pavement. He was behaving as a little lost child, that knows the rules of crossing the street but is afraid and uncertain to do that. Other passers -by stopped, looked at Him with a smile, some even made pictures. He must have been really hungry – otherwise he wouldn’t dare to come that close, stay there so long and let people approach Him so close.

Finally, he managed to cross the street, went close to a street lamp where was a big garbage bag. He must have felt the remains of food in it because as soon as he got there He started poking his nose against the bag, sniffing and digging inside with one paw.

I felt so sorry for him and just wished to take care of him…which would be rather silly and irresponsible. So, I didn’t, besides I had to go to catch the bus.

Now, as it’s getting colder here, he probably will visit us more frequently – and I truly hope that Mr. Dog will not chase him so that I will not have to chase Mr. Dog and the leash!!! 

And - that was defenetely not a last story on animals from the neighbourgood as we also have a lot of hedgehogs, rabbits and crows - which, with the onset of autumn become very active. 

😉 😉 😉

Moccachino and  public order officers